#BiglaangThoughts: How Far I’ll Go?

Tonight is one of the nights where I question everything about my life. I didn’t plan this to happen, it just happened. I was watching a movie on Netflix and streaming videos on youtube ( multitasking) when I suddenly felt that empty feeling inside of me.

I have been so busy since 2017 started and I honestly didn’t have time to check myself if I am still okay. I have been surrounded by too many people that I think I forgot to rest and connect with my soul. And now I did, it’s 11:26 PM, I am alone and crying listening to How Far I’ll go, a soundtrack from the movie Moana. The lyrics speak to me; it’s as if it’s questioning me how far I’m still going to go for everything?

The song made me ponder on some things like how everyone needs some alone time, where we talk to no one but ourselves ( Like what Moana did in the movie while singing How far I’ll go). We need some time to charge our batteries before we can go out there and love again ( ambivert alert). It is a MUST that we spend some time alone and learn to enjoy the company of ourselves. I believe that we’ll be able to give more and love more when we respect our soul and give it the solitary it moment deserves.

Sometimes, we ask ourselves”What’s wrong with me”? And I think asking what’s the matter with us is essential because at least we try to look for what’s real and what’s not. I also believe that questioning the decisions that we have done is all right. It is because we got to look back on the things that we struggled and survived just to get to where we are. We got to laugh at ourselves for the times we stood up for crazy and impossible things. It’s not easy, and this may last for hours, days, weeks or even months but I believe we all go through a lot of doubting and blaming ourselves in our life.

I have a lot of “What if’s” in mind, ” What if sinabi ko?”, “What if umalis ako?”, “What if tinuloy ko?” “What if ginawa ko? But you know, it’s tiring to keep on asking “what if” when in reality I am so afraid to know the answer. And so I learned to appreciate wherever I am at this moment, and whatever what’s in my life right now because I believe it is God’s blessing for me. I am exactly where I need to be and..

we might wonder “What if?” but isn’t it beautiful to just embrace “what is?”

Going back to the “how far I’ll go” question, no one knows how far I’ll go. Maybe one day I’ll know, when I am already there, wherever I am destined to be.

Oh sya, matutulog na ako. 🙂

 

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