2015 is a roller coaster ride. Sobrang daming emosyon ang nafeel ko sa taong ito at talaga namang marami ring lessons and blessings. May mga bagay na naaccomplish, mga bagay na sinubukan, mga taong nakilala, mas nakilala at mga taong binitawan na. A lot of things happened that helped me grow as a person and as someone that God wanted me to be.
1. MEET MY HIGHSCHOOL BFF AGAIN AFTER 10 YEARS – Last March 6, 2015 we met again at last! It has been like 10 years of on and off friendship and I am just so happy that I got to meet him again. Oh I forgot to tell you! I have been crushing on him since like forever and during those 10 years I think I am in love with him and I just needed to see him again just to validate my feelings for him, if I still love him . And then we met again and then I realized that I was in love with him. Was, not am and I am just so happy that I got to see him again and reminisce the High School Days that we’ve been together! At narealize ko na sobrang mahalaga sya sa akin bilang kaibigan at kahit gaano man kami kalayo sa isa’t-isa o kahit gaano man katagal hindi magkita at mag-usap he is one of the most important people in my life and nothing will ever change that.
2. MAMASAPANO – After the January 25th Incident, our team went to Mamasapano to collect stories of children that were unheard by the mainstream society. It was my first time to be there and I actually felt hesitant at first because it is a conflict area and all of the people who hear those words tremble with fear. My father actually questioned why I am doing this kind of thing that could endanger my life but you know when you love what you do, everything will always be an adventure. I actually didn’t sleep before our flight because I was so nervous but then I still went on to my flight. It was scary but then the trip went well. It was a very surreal experience being there in the field where a lot of people died. One of my 2nd cousins is actually one of the casualties and I got emotional walking on the historic bridge. I don’t remember meeting him when I was young since he is older than me all I know is that I always go to the community where he lives during summer ( there’s a community in Cebu where 80% of the people are my relatives). His mom though would always visit us and magdadala syang tuyo, isa din sila sa nagbibigay sa akin ng manok sa tuwing nagiging first honor ako dati. Nakakalungkot na hindi ko pala sya makikita, nakakalungkot kasi kailangan pa mangyari ang lahat.
Nakakalungkot man, something really unexpected happened. I met someone there who changed my life forever. He is a blessing and a curse at the same time, but more of a blessing. hahaha. I fell in love with him, he inspired me to do good and be a better woman. But then you know, God has better plans for us, I discovered just recently that he actually has a girlfriend and a facebook account na sabi nya ay wala. Pero ayun imbes na magalit at magrant sa kanya, I just chose to forgive anyway sabi ko nga diba blessing sya sa buhay ko at maraming magagandang nangyari sa akin dahil sa kanya. Btw, call each other boss, hindi ko din alam kung bakit yan ang tawag ko sa kanya at gumaya na rin sya. Haham we are still friends, though ( I guess) even if hindi pa sya nag-eexplain kung bakit kailangan nya magsinungaling. Well, everything happens for a reason, hindi ko man makita ng lahat ng rason kung bakit sya dumating sa buhay ko ay nagpapasalamat ako dahil dumating sya.
3. BREAKING FREE – When I met boss, I finally break free from an unrequited love. And that is why he is a blessing. The unrequited love is a blessing also, I have learned a lot from what happened to us. I became more patient and more sensitive about how and what other people feel. What happened to us made me a better person. He taught me a lot of things. Hindi ko din akalain na kaya kong magmahal ng ganun. Pagmamahal na kinalimutan ang sarili which is mali and I learned that now. I have always believed that people came to our lives to change us or for us to change them, either way I hope na may matutunan din sya sa nangyari sa amin. One thing is certain, I will always be protective of him. Akala ko nga hindi na kami magiging okay, pero ganun talaga siguro pag naging magkaibigan na kayo, mangingibabaw ang friendship. We are better now and I know we will remain good friends for a long time.
4. MUSIC FOR PEACE CAMP – is one of the highlights of my year. Sobrang emotional ako lalo na nung Jamming Night. Napakaganda ng programa, napakagagaling ng mga participants at sobrang nakakatuwa ng naging resulta. Highlight ito dahil sobrang pinagpaguran namin ang project na ito at napakaraming nangyari after this. Lalo dumami mga kapatid ko sa kapayapaan and this time they are using music to promote peace.
5. PEACE MISSION 2015- Makikita ko sana dapat sya ulit pagbalik namin kaya lang wala pala sya. Ang daming realizations while doing the mission. It made me realize how important tpbpm is for me, how important the things that I am doing and also how big my contribution is to the organization. Lagi kong tinetake for granted and sarili ko and narealize ko na hindi pala dapat. Sabi nga ni Kuya AG maybe things happened because it had to happen for me to reflect and internalize everything. I was so emotional walking on that bridge again pero ayun ganun tlga. Pero sobrang nakatuwa naman na makitang masaya ang mga batang nabigyan namin ng mga school supplies and toys kaya ayun napawi nadin anglahat ng lungkot ko. Kaya kahit gaano ka kasakit ang mga nangyari ay nawala nalang din bigla sa tuwing nakikita ko ang mga bata.
6. FEELING ARTIST – Started painting even though I really don’t have a talent. Last year, my friend Vianca gave me a sketchbook and she wrote something in there. It says “Every artist was once an amateur” and it inspired me to start painting. I bought a lot of artist stuff para makapag-umpisa. And unti-unti natutunan kong gamitin and mga bagay na yun with the help of my artist friends of course. What I love about painting is that it made me forget about everything. When I paint, I just concentrate on the colors, the lines, the sizes, the patterns and nothing else matters. Nakakalimutan ko ang mga bagay na nagpapagulo ng isip ko kahit isa o dalawang oras man lang. Pag depress ako, nagpepaint ako and it relaxes me, it soothes my spirit and helped me calm my heart. Sana mas magawa ko sya this 2016 kasi naeenjoy ko talaga sya kahit ang amateur ng mga gawa ko.
7. HIKING– Climbed 4 mountains this year and the last one is the best, climbed Mt.Tarak ( 1280 masl) during Typhoon Onyok and it was life changing. The desire to see the world in a different light and also discover myself in the process led me into conquering mountains. But then along the way, I realized that I am not conquering mountains but I am conquering myself. Hiking taught me a lot of things. It made me conquered a lot of my fears and hesitations about myself. I realized na kaya ko pala, kaya ko palang lampasan ang mga limitasyon ko. Habang naglalakad papuntang summit, nakikita ko ang ganda ng mga nilikha ng Panginoon and it made me appreciate more about the things around me. Hiking pushed me to the limits. Narealize ko na ang salitang HINDI KAYA ay nasa isip lang pala. Hindi mo talaga malalaman na hindi mo kaya hanggat di mo nasusubukan. I appreciate more the value of waiting and enjoying the journey to the summit ( success) sabi nga diba every step you take to achieve your goal, you arrive. Parang paghihike lang yan, kahit paunti-unting hakbang ang gawin mo mararating mo din ang summit. Along the way merong mga matutulis na bato, madudulas na lupa, mga natumbang puno, nakakasugat na dayami na haharang sayo on your way to the top ngunit wag kang matakot na masugatan at masaktan kasi part yun ng proseso. Mas ma-aappreciate mo ang summit kung marami kang battle scars ika nga hahaha ibig sabihin kasi nun pinaghirapan. Sobrang nabago ang pananaw ko sa buhay dahil sinimulan ko itong gawin, bukod kasi sa nag-eenjoy ako ay ito din ang reflection time ko sa sarili ko, mas nakikilala ko ang sarili ko dahil dito. Lumabas ako sa comfort zone ko and I can proudly say that I am not your ordinary woman. I am different cause the mountains changed me. To more mountains this 2016!
8. GETTING INKED – Got inked for the 3rd time this year. I choose a butterfly because it symbolizes my metamorphosis. The changes that happened to me for the past 26 years has helped me into a beautiful soul that I am now ( chos! Buhatin and sariling bangko!) Haha. But really, akala ko dati isa akong uod na kumakain lang ng dahon at nagpapataba. Yun pala isa akong napakagandang paru-paro na nagbibigay buhay at kulay sa mga tao sa paligid ko.
9. TPBPM @ 2 – Nagsimula ang Teach Peace sa sala nila Ate Honey sa Alabang. Ang aking ipad 2 ang gamit ko sa kung ano man ang kailangan naming gawin. Sa dining table nila madalas ako umuupo, nagtatrabaho habang nanood ng movie. It has been 2 years and ang dami ng nangayari, ang daming blessing na dumating at mga taong nakilala. Ang dami nang myiembro ng pamilya! Nakakatuwa and I have to give myself a pat on the back for not giving up on tpbpm, for always supporting ate honey and the family with our mission. Yes magyayabang ako pero totoo to, I wanna congratulate myself for a job well done, for always working hard and for ways being there for the family. I have never acknowledged myself because I thought that I have done nothing when the reality is I have done a lot of things, hindi ko lang ina-acknowledge ang sarili ko. This is my family and I will do everything to protect and to keep the family happy and together. Sa ngayon, ang tpbpm lang ang certain sa buhay ko. Maraming bagay man na gusto kong gawin, puntahan at itry iisq ang hindi magbabago I will be with tpbpm forever.
10. MY NEW ANGEL – My angel went to heaven last May 18 and I am happy that I have her as my new guide. My lola has been my mom growing up. She is my inspiration, whoever I am today it is because of her and my lolo. I believed that they raised me well and that the values that they have instilled in me molded me into a very strong woman that I am now. Na kahit anong problema, pagsubok man and dumating hindi ko susukuan at aatrasan. They taught me to be strong cause eventhough I know that they were always there for me, there are battles that I need to face alone. Tinuruan nila akong magtiyaga, mangarap, makisama, magtiis at higit sa lahat magmahal. Kung ano man ako ngayon, dahil iyon sa kanila, they are my guiding light. And whatever I do, it will be because I wanna make them proud na lumaki akong mabuting tao. Everything I will do is to honor them, my lola and lolo are now together in heaven and I know that they will always be watching me and guiding me.
My 2015 is one hell of a ride. Sobrang roller coaster ang emotions na nafeel ko and I have been very blessed with all the people around me that helped me go through almost everything. In 2015, I have learned to stop labeling the things that happened to me as good or bad because everything in my life is a blessing. My 2015 is amazing and I know 2016 will be even better!
My 2016 mantra would be CONQUER. I will conquer every fear and I will not limit myself anymore. I will not doubt myself because I know I can do everything if I want to. I believe that my life here on earth has been written already and every decision, every path that I will take will lead me to my destiny.