Perfect Two

He’s bored. I’m lonely. Together, we are perfect.

I meet him exactly 16 days ago. I even blogged about him after our first meeting. I honestly like him, he’s that one person I can get a decent conversation with. Aside from the fact that he is cute, I like the way he asks me questions or how he makes me “kilig”.  I honestly don’t know where the hell this is going, but I’d like to take the risks. I just got my heart broken, just got out from an unrequited relationship and I am still not okay.

And then he came and then the whole story changed. Maybe God gave him to me because He’s what I need at the moment, I need someone who will comfort me and then give me something that I deserve, love, attention, time, appreciation.

He is a soldier and I totally understand that because of his profession, he may not be able to communicate with me as often as I want or we want because of his job. He is assigned to a conflict area which makes the situation even worse, like always red alert or no signal and internet connection.

There are moments when I thought that maybe he’s just bored that is why he is communicating with me but my friend said if that is his reason he should have stopped it 3 days after we met but he hasn’t. I am really confused and I totally want to understand him but I don’t. I would always say to myself that he is soldier and first and foremost he is for our country,

I don’t want to invest too many emotions but I don’t want to not invest at all. I am still healing and I don’t want to get my heart broken again in the same year cause that’s bullshit. But at the same time, I want to show him that I care, cause I really do. I can’t even explain why for just 16 days he affects me this much. I am afraid to invest, really even just a little of my time cause I might fall hard and then get broken again in the process. But I experienced this fast forward feeling the very first day I met him. Fast forward meaning I suddenly imagined our wedding and me and him growing old together. It’s just weird, but then I also want to explore the beauty of being single, of being whole to be able to love myself again and know myself more. I love this quote so much that it made me realize something:

“There’s so much more to life than finding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn’t. There’s a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn’t need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with friends, wander around the city at night, sit in a coffee shop on your own, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize life like you can’t survive without it. Live for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn’t any less beautiful, I promise.” —Emery Allen

Beautiful right? But I want to love him, in a way that I am not going to lose my self again. As what my friend told me ” Mawala man, babalik at babalik yan kung para talaga sayo. Busy kaat mas marami ka pang bagay na dapat gawin kaysa sa mababaw na bagay”

Wherever destiny takes us, whatever God has planned for us I will trust him and his time cause I know He knows what is best for me and my life. But for now, I am really thankful that he came cause he instantly became my savior, my silent sanctuary.

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